Saturday, March 5, 2011
I rearrange heirlooms inside a hutch
so their beauty can be seen through the glass
Clear crystal, bone china teacups
with flowers painted on them
along with antique plates passed
down through the generations.
Over and over I arrange the items, much
like how I attempt to organize my life.
So it looks perfect. So it looks just right…
Periodically, thoughts clutter my head
with where I failed and made mistakes.
A feeling of rejection appears from
deep in the recesses of my brain
as I replay a moment with a person
that kicks off a memory of the past.
A tape plays inside my mind
that binds me -
“I can’t be perfect if I’m a failure.”
Instead of moving forward,
I procrastinate. I’m on the fence.
Why risk anymore rejection?
Why reach out to another again?
Fear locks me in.
Giving up altogether
seems like a better choice.
Yes, I’ll just give up until –
A realization dawns as my
heart and mind are challenged
with false beliefs of myself
versus what is real.
Who am I really?
Not what you want me to be.
I don’t need to be perfect
for your validation.
The One who created me
will still love and value me,
even when I make mistakes.
I take a deep breath
And repeat to myself –
“Let my good be good enough,”
as I straighten a picture
on a crooked wall.