San Gabriel Valley Poetry Quarterly

DAN LAMBERT

Did You Ever?

Did you ever really love me?

I think these words, and wonder…

Am I being fair to you?

Perhaps the better question is:

Did I ever really love you?

Does love require the convergence of bodies?

If so, then we loved each other intermittently, like seasons

Spring became passion

Summer became love

And Fall has withered into indifference

Does love require the convergence of souls?

If so, then we loved each other three times per day or more

Love was transmitted through the air

And transported from our throats to our ears

With the cold efficiency of microchips

Love buzzed in my ear courtesy of a blinking Bluetooth:

The name now seems so apt

My teeth are blue from missing you

Does love require the convergence of cultures?

If so, then we loved in ebbs and flows

Like waves crashing upon distant shores

Or a pulsing circuit

Connecting and then breaking, over and over

My heart is like that circuit now

Breaking, yes, but also buzzing with unanswered questions

And aching with doubt and possibility

Did we ever really love each other?

Will we ever really love again?

Is love like a current that we tap in to

Or a well that we draw from?

Has the current been breached

The reservoir of electricity damaged beyond repair?

Has the well run dry

Its stone walls drying in the sun?

Have we burned the forest of love?

Salted the earth so it will never grow again?

Did you ever really love me?

Did I ever really love you?

These questions sear my heart

And burn my soul

Forever.