San Gabriel Valley Poetry Quarterly

Toti O’Brien

The Age of Innocence

We had just
turned fifteen
Poli and I
when we
wondered
about the supremacy
of fucking
versus drawing and
eating
at the same
time.

Meaning what
activity
was the most
delightful
our favorite
pastime. We
couldn’t make
up our mind
the question
spread
after hours…

Through our
controversial
debates. in the
twilight
while doodling
on journals
‘n swallowing
strawberries
cut in halves
sugar
coated…

Fucking only
recently
entered our
consciousness
and vocabulary..
I suppose we
were
righteously
proud
of listing
such deed

among the range
of our notions
(I should say
possibilities).
Fucking was
(so to speak)
such a virgin
territory
Pregnant (so
to speak) with
discoveries.

And it was
revolutionary
forbidden
outrageous
daring.
So was
also drawing
(oh yes)
because it was
idle
superfluous.

Not included
in our study
curriculum
not part of
our home
work.
But we were
rebellious at least
Poli and I
yes, we
were.

And now
thinking back at
those
cozy afternoons
so many decades
ago… what’s
left?
Well
I lost interest
in strawberries.

Pretty soon
because
they
transformed
yes, from
luscious
wild berries
into fat bland
spongy things
not even quite
red… drawing’s

still a bliss. But
adulthood
took away the
freedom… I had
to choose if
making an income
of it (with related
responsibilities)
or an undeserved
privilege, stained
with guilt.

Fucking… is
there any magic
left about it? Was it
ever worth
dreaming, longing
debating about an
ecstasy’s prize
to be won?

Truly, I’m not sure.
I turned
sixteen quite
immediately.
Innocence
at the count of
three
disappeared.