San Gabriel Valley Poetry Quarterly

Charles Harmon

WHEN I’M SIXTY-THREE

I’ve got Viagra in my coffee, I’ve got Prozac in my tea
I’ve got statins in my lemonade, I just turned sixty-three
I’ve got PhenFen in my ice cream, I’ve got insulin in my jam
I’ve got aspirin in my orange juice, I’ve got Zoloft in my Spam.

      If I don’t forget my pills I’ll live to be a century
      I love expensive thrills, I’m a walking pharmacy
      I’ll live two hundred years depending on technology
      But for now I’ll say my life is sweet at sixty-three.

For aches and pains there’s Motrin and there’s Ibuprofen, too
For arthritis I take Naproxen, get some shots against the flu
There’s Levitra and Cialis when I’ve got fun things to do
You can have your cake and eat it, too, ‘til your benefits are through.

      If I don’t forget my pills I’ll live to be a century
      I love expensive thrills, I’m a walking pharmacy
      I’ll live two hundred years depending on technology
      But for now I’ll say my life is sweet at sixty-three.

I’ve got Vicodin on IV drip, a needle in my arm
But my doctors always tell me that these drugs will do no harm
They can cheer up my depression as they help me ease the pain
And they tell me in the future there’s a transplant for my brain….

    Give me Librium or give me meth!
    Give me Lipitor or give me death!
    Give me something to feel real well!
    Take me to Heaven or go to Hell!

If I don’t forget my pills I’ll live to be a century
I love expensive thrills, I’m a walking pharmacy
I’ll live two hundred years depending on technology
But for now I’ll say my life is sweet at sixty-three.